A growth point for me was remembering I am parenting Mason for Mason, not the world so I have to remember other people's opinions don't matter. Case in point, at Costco the other day we were offered a delicious sample of cheesecake. Today Mason had to smell the fork with the cheesecake on it to decide if he wanted some. As soon as the fork was close to his nose, he pushed my hand away and said "get that away". To which the lady giving the samples said "that was very rude of him, he pushed your hand away." I said thank you and that he had a aversion to smells and moved on.
Now what was I thinking. ...yay! He didn't hit me when he didn't like it and he told me too!!
At another time it would have embarrassed me if someone questioned my child's behavior or insulted my parenting but I knew better in this case. Which I think is a parenting win for me. Oh we will get to the point of him saying "no thanks mom" or " please can you move that away" but that is years away, so right now I choose to revel in the small victories.
Next happened tonight. Mas came in while I was taking a shower and wanted to shower too. As I was about to get out, I allowed him to have the shower all to himself. He was playing with some colored soap tubes he had gotten in his stocking yesterday, which were only a smidgen full. We turned off the water and he sat in the empty tub to play for a few minutes. When I peeked I a minute or 2 later, he was trying to fill the soap tunes himself with his container of body wash. You can imagine how well that was going. He looked up at me and said "it OK if I make a mess Mamma?"
My sweet boy. Now I had a plan, I was going to get him out, dry him off quick , and get him ready for bed. But now this soapy messy kid derailed my plans. My natural reaction is to get frustrated BUT he truly didn't know anything was wrong. He wasn't being malicious or rude, it was his body wash, and he had seen a problem (fun soap tube empty) and was trying to fix it. So I took a deep breath, asked if I could help and we cleaned up with a smile. Not always my natural way but I have been learning so much about Neuro Behavioral parenting changes I need to make to support my FAS son. I need to make changes to help him succeed, he doesn't need to change. That has taken LOTS of effort, and a few tears...mostly mine but that's another post.
My too older boys are learning too. They are learning to tell Mason what they want him to do, not what they don't want. They are looking to redirect him when he starts to get to be too much and above all they are learning how to extend grace! Grace to me, when I mess up. Grace to Mason when his impulsiveness hurts them. And grace to themselves when their hurts come out in a way they didn't expect. God is showing us grace all over and it feels good!